Eye Contact Lies – Debunking the Worst Advice About Building Trust Without Looking People in the Eye
Let’s be real: bad advice spreads faster than a cat video in a group chat. Why? Because bad advice is usually comforting, easy, and often served with a side of pseudo-confidence that makes people say, “Hmm, that sounds right.” The problem is, most of this advice isn’t just useless — it actively holds people back. Especially when it comes to something as fundamental as eye contact.
You’ve probably heard all kinds of garbage about eye contact. Some of it sounds wise, some of it is just plain weird, but a lot of it is setting you up to fail. Today, I’m going to take a chainsaw to the worst offenders and show you what actually works. Ready? Let’s go.
Bad Advice #1: “Avoid Eye Contact to Show Humility”
Ah, yes, the classic. The idea that if you avoid eye contact, you’ll come across as humble, modest, and respectful. Sure, if your goal is to look like you’re lying, hiding something, or hoping to evaporate into thin air.
Avoiding eye contact doesn’t scream humility—it screams guilt, discomfort, and sometimes, I have bodies in my basement.
Look, humility is an attitude, not a nervous tic. You can be humble while holding someone’s gaze. In fact, confident eye contact paired with humble language is magnetic. It makes you seem grounded, not sketchy.
The Truth:
Good eye contact says, “I see you. I’m here. I’m engaged.” It’s about connection, not dominance. If you want to be humble, focus on listening carefully and not bragging—don’t sabotage yourself by looking at the floor like you just dropped your dignity down there.
Bad Advice #2: *“Stare to Establish Authority”
Oh, you’ve heard this one. Some macho self-help bro told you to lock eyes like you’re in a WWE stare-down until the other person submits. Let me guess — you tried it, and now people cross the street when they see you coming?
There’s a word for people who stare aggressively: creeps. Or worse: lunatics.
Staring isn’t building trust; it’s building a case for a restraining order.
The Truth:
Eye contact is a dance, not a hostage situation. It should flow — sometimes direct, sometimes broken to think, sometimes softened with a smile. People trust those who make them feel comfortable, not those who bore holes into their skulls.
If you’re making eye contact like you’re trying to win a blinking contest, you’re not building rapport — you’re making it weird.
Bad Advice #3: “Look at Their Forehead or Nose Instead”
This gem gets passed around by nervous people who want to fake eye contact without actually making it. “Just look at their forehead!” they say, as if we’re all going to walk around gazing lovingly at people’s T-zones and no one will notice.
Spoiler: They do notice.
People can tell when you’re not really looking at them. Sure, you might trick someone for half a second, but the human brain is wired to detect true connection. Fake it, and your trustworthiness drops faster than a politician’s approval rating.
The Truth:
If eye contact makes you uncomfortable, the solution is to practice, not to aim slightly to the left and hope no one picks up on it. Start with brief eye contact, then gradually extend it. The goal isn’t to stare — it’s to connect. A soft, real gaze says more than any forehead-focused hack ever will.
Bad Advice #4: “Avoid Eye Contact to Be Less Intimidating”
Some people are told to dial down their presence by dodging eye contact so they won’t “intimidate” others. Honestly, this is self-sabotage wrapped in fake kindness.
You know what’s actually intimidating?
A person who won’t look you in the eye. It makes people nervous. It triggers that ancient part of the brain that says, Something’s off here. I don’t trust this.
Avoiding eye contact because you’re “too powerful” is like a lion trying to act like a hamster. It doesn’t make you less intimidating — it makes you awkward, fake, and strangely robotic.
The Truth:
If you’re worried about intimidating people, soften your tone, smile, or use open body language. Eye contact isn’t the problem — it’s the delivery around it. You don’t build trust by shrinking. You build trust by showing up as your full self, but in a way that feels safe and approachable.
Bad Advice #5: “Glance at Your Phone or Notes to Seem Casual”
This is a modern sin. Somewhere, someone got the idea that breaking eye contact to check your phone or notes makes you seem relaxed, casual, or — brace yourself — cool. No. It makes you seem distracted, disinterested, and possibly addicted to Candy Crush.
Nothing destroys trust faster than showing someone they don’t have your attention.
You can’t fake a connection. When you keep glancing away, you’re signaling, You’re not that important to me right now. That’s the exact opposite of what you want when building trust.
The Truth:
If you need to check something, acknowledge it:
“Let me quickly pull this up.”
“Give me a second to double-check.”
Own the moment. Then return to eye contact. Real connection happens in real time, not in the cracks between scrolling.
Final Take: Filter Out the Nonsense
The problem with bad advice is that it always sounds just plausible enough to trap the people who need real help the most. The timid, the unsure, the people looking for shortcuts — they’re the ones who buy into this nonsense and end up stuck, wondering why people don’t trust them.
Here’s the blunt truth:
Trust is built with presence.
You can’t shortcut it. You can’t fake it. You can’t hack it with optical illusions or TikTok tricks.
You build trust when you actually see people. When you give them your full attention. When you look them in the eye, without flinching, without overdoing it, without running away.
So here’s your takeaway:
Stop following the trash advice. Stop hiding. Stop overthinking. Trust is simple — be real, be present, and look people in the eye.
The rest will follow.
What is the difference between hearing and listening? The difference between hearing and listening is simple but very important, especially in communication and relationships.